Wonkette

It snowed. It snowed a lot. But everyone had plenty of toilet paper and kale, and everyone survived the storm in peace and happiness. Sure, some people’s cars got stuck on hills, and some people got stuck in basement apartments, and the storm pretty much rendered the entire city helpless, but it snowed, and that was fun. MORE »

Saturday, February 6 through Sunday February 7: Fact: DC has a festival of short films, and the winners from said festival will be screened tonight and tomorrow night as part of the “Best of the Fest” — that is, assuming the snow doesn’t render living impossible this weekend. (Actually, the festival will go on as long as Metro is “open.”) [Best of the Fest] MORE »

In just three days, the Colts will take on the Saints in the Super Bowl, America’s best (only?) cultural product, even though it really should be a conquest between the Chargers and the Saints so that your Wonkabout could have won her pool and become a millionaire… But regardless, get excited for some homoerotic fun and teevee commercials that will reminds us to never, ever have an abortion: because all of God’s children grow up to be rich football stars who will never understand what it’s really like to risk death during childbirth, or to rear a child as a working-class single mother.  MORE »

Frozen Treats: Praise be Barack Obama, a new do-it-yourself frozen yogurt shop has opened in Downtown DC! Fro-yo lovers everywhere rejoice! [Fro.Zen.Yo via Penn Quarter Living] MORE »

Famous rodent prognosticator Punxsutawney Phil saw his shadow this morning, and, if you believe that rodents are savvy weather predictors (check), then we’re in for at least 6 more weeks of fun, freezing winter weather. Joy! In light of this glorious fact, we continue our series of “It’s super cold outside, life is hard, America has no money, what’s so wrong with stealing Haitian babies for fun, so who needs… a glass of wine?” MORE »

Tuesday, February 2: Last week we learned that corporations are more like people than actual people are, and on Tuesday the Cato Institute will tell us why the decision is a victory for those of us who secretly wish that we, too, had a fat-cat CEO and a stock listing. And on Thursday, February 4, Heritage weighs in and actually debates the legitimacy of the decision. (Who knows!) [Cato Institute, Heritage Foundation] MORE »

Saturday, January 30 through Sunday, February 21: There’s having friends who are more successful than you, and then there’s channeling your angst into an excellent play that in the end makes you better than everyone else, especially when you include includes elements of bestiality in it. Such is the story of The Four of Us, showing at Theater J. [Theater J] MORE »

Whoa, hey, rough night of drinking thanks to the State of the Union? Why did he have to bring up the economy and the middle class so often? But it’s okay because you woke up to a new job today, right? America is all fixed! Hooray! Hung over, cold, and worried about TAX CUTS and what BIPARTISANSHIP could look like now that Obama is no longer as black? Outsource your hunger, it’s the American way, and enjoy some Pho- a magical hangover cure. MORE »

Wednesday, January 27: The State of Union is on tonight, hooray! What a great excuse to drink, drink, drink as Obama promises tax cuts for everyone and health care for no one! Ventnor Sports Cafe is hosting a drinking game watch party tonight. The bar opens at 5:30PM. [Ventnor Sports Cafe] MORE »

Normally when a restaurant is empty, well, it’s a bad sign and means that the food probably tastes like poison. But, this is not always the case: we bring you Levante’s, an empty Mediterranean restaurant that should not be empty! MORE »

Tuesday, January 26: Recent activities in Yemen have not convinced the New America Foundation that Yemen is a legitimate terrorist threat — only that it is on the “brink” of becoming one. Sure, they may be in cahoots with Al Qaeda and may desire to nuke every American city with a population over 50,000, but who doesn’t these days? [New America Foundation] MORE »

Tonight through Sunday February 14: There was a time in our nation when politicians actually argued for things they believed in and didn’t just whine until their balls fell off. Sad little liberals will find joy in Ford’s Theatre’s The Rivalry, which re-creates portions of the debates between Abraham Lincoln and Stephen Douglas that focused on state’s rights and slavery for the 1858 Senate election. [Ford's Theatre] MORE »

Arianna Brown, daughter of President Scott Brown, is, yes, only 19 years young. According to her father, she is, or rather CAN be, very, very single. And, if she ever comes to the great District of Columbia, she will have options: There are things, MANY things in fact, to do in this alcohol-ridden town with someone who is under 21. Kosher things. Things that don’t involve centerfold shots. SHE’S PRE-MED, PEOPLE. MORE »

Thursday, January 21: As the Nation welcomes naked Scott Brown to his seat as President of the Teabaggers, we say goodbye to the fine folks from the Jersey Shore. Tabaq Bistro will recreate the debauchery of these less-than-human characters by showing the finale tomorrow on big screen teevees and providing plenty of drink specials, so everyone will be in fine form to beat each other up on the dance floor… [Tabaq Bistro DC] MORE »