Wonkette
By the Comics Curmudgeon
Ah, the good ol’ days! They were much better than our current existence, did you know that? Like, it was illegal for the President to be a Socialist! And also, people didn’t just filibuster things all the time, because they knew it was a douchebag move, so they saved it for really important stuff, like stopping black people from voting! Anyway, more and more Americans — and by “Americans” we mean “political cartoonists” — are looking back on the old days with fond memories, or perhaps memories of sheer unmitigated horror. It can be hard to tell!
Click the cartoons for a magical trip back in time!
Now, I know all you people’s first reaction to past-directed time travel is going to be “Oh no! I cannot go into the past! All of my favorite sex perversions will be illegal there! I can only get my rocks off in our current decadent age!” Well, fear not, my sleazy friends! Despite the stereotypes, everyone in the past was also a sex-crazed degenerate weirdo like yourselves. Just take this typical scene from the Old West! Here, we see an erotic three-way between a sexy black cowboy and two furries, all preparing to measure each others’ genitals. This was before artificial fibers, so those fursuits are actually made out of the hollowed-out husks of real animals! That, combined with the formal wear, means that the pervies insider are dying of heat stroke. But they’re prepared for that possibility! Note the coffins, so that we can add necrophilia to their melange of kink.
Anyway, you know what else they had back in the day that we’re going to revive, nostalgically? Slavery! Real, actual, slavery! Only for white people, apparently. Though we will be forced to wear comical Aunt Jemima-style head kerchiefs! We crackers will be out there just pickin’ cotton for Ol’ Massa Congress — though as you can see, that cotton is just growing all over Congress’s lawn, right up to his porch! Heck, somebody’s gotta pick it, so why not enslave us to do the job free Americans won’t do? But don’t worry, we’ll all get free food and health care, just like they did back in slave times, if by “food” we mean “low-nutrition gruel and scraps” and “health care” we mean “cruel and arbitrary beatings.”
If all the white people are going to be slaves, then what does that leave for the black people to do? Teenagerhood! That’s what Barack Obama’s been up to for the past year or so, anyway. Just sittin’ on America’s couch, texting all his cool socialist friends. “O HEY U WANT TO RAISE TAXES? LOL” “LETS PUT OLD PPL IN CAMPZ!” Of course, all that electronic-y jibber-jabber will run up America’s phone bill, leading to hilarious sitcom-style situations: the president’s grounded — right before he’s scheduled to fly to Russia for a big summit! (Don’t worry, it all gets worked out in the end, and we all learn a valuable lesson about getting along.)
“Never mind that,” you’re almost certainly saying, “What about Joe Lieberman’s severed head? When we last saw the skull formerly attached to the independent senator for Connecticut, it had been unsuccessfully grafted onto a series of host bodies. Now, like the evil soul of Lord Voldemort, the Lieberman-cranium has become a sphere of pure, malevolent energy; however, as is the case with most intangible demons, Lieberman’s ghostly noggin has little will of its own, and can be controlled by whoever can capture and animate it. Once you have gained power over the wraith, however, you can use it to hypnotize and command the weak-minded, as you can see here.
Meanwhile, there is a store, an actual physical store, where you can buy “2012 The End,” just in case you are anxious for the apocalypse, and really, who isn’t, at this point. Come, sweet Armageddon, take us from this vale of tears, forever!
God forbid the teabag lot ever have to pay more than 2% of their income to America, the country they claim to love.
Ahh, I don’t know which hyberbole is sweeter: white people as slaves, or white people as Nazi victims. Why, oh why doesn’t some wingnutter come up with somethig ghey, like forced prison buttsecks? At least we could maybe fap to it.
I like the health care cowboy one, because you know our health care is mavericky and is like a Lone Ranger who helps everyone, but like when they are sick see, and there is nothing wrong with our system ’cause it’s like a hero and it is good and…and..and..um the politicians are going to make it dead and then all of a sudden there are going to be hundreds of thousands of uninsured citizens who can’t get health care which is sooooo NOT LIKE NOW. Get it? It’s funny. Right?
Was anyone actually “speaking of slavery?”
I is confused. too long and my boss almost caught me not working.stop it.no more teabadging
I’m confused, I thought the ‘baggers said reform was tyranny. I’m starting to really hate this country.
On second thought, I think Comic #2 is trying to imply that citizens can now pay their taxes in cotton rather than money.
So does this mean Ramirez is the new Rosa Parks or the new Harriet Tubman? Either way, he’s now somebody he wouldn’t let into his own house.
Where can I get my own Liebtard megaphone? Nobedy ever listens to me…
Well, that’s typical for Ramirez. The only thing missing is Barney Frank in bad Mammy drag.
That’s one very funny post, Josh. I hope Baby Jeebus drops a solid-gold menorah down your chimney and Beyonce visits to your house on Kwanzaa.
Looking at that Ramirez cartoon is just like being a victim of the Holocaust.
I love Investor’s Business Daily, the only publication that can be guaranteed to follow up “speaking of slavery” with the toiling of rich white dudes in cotton fields. Though, perhaps the meaning is more subtle…After their attempt to “go Galt” went horribly awry, American masters of productivity were forced to take exploitative agricultural migrant labor jobs. Atlas shrubbed.
I’m trying to figure out how being a slave to Congress for food, housing, and healthcare is worse than being a slave to McDonalds for only one, maybe two of those things.
I was going to make a comment about that old westy one, but somebody hear already has it as a screen name.
In what may be a watershed moment in American journalism, however, I think the guy from the Miami Herald has actually got one exactly right.
doxastic: “Atlas shrubbed.” Win! Now that was funny!
is making your living by drawing unfunny cartoons a kind of slavery? discuss.
doxastic: This is in the category of:
My wife told me to take a shower;
My stove has a gas leak;
I think my daughter has head lice:
Now I know what Auschwitz was like.
doxastic: IBD of the “If Stephen Hawking had had to rely on the [British] National Health System, the Death Panelz wudda offed him! … Oh, wait…”
Naked Bunny with a Whip: I understand that there are more and more varied sexual opportunities for those who toil in the congressional cotton fields. Some might consider that a good thing.
WarAndG: Right! Not only is it funny but it works on several levels (not all of which I can identify at this moment in time).
gurukalehuru: OMG, I spelled “here” as “hear.” I guess I’m a racist.
That Ramirez toon is vile beyond reproach. Someone deport his ‘Mesican ass back to whatever wallow his family most recently crawled out of.
There are apparently no blacks among the American tax-payer. No women, either. I didn’t realize that the American Taxpayer was a middle-aged, suit-wearing while guy, but I guess that squares perfectly with the conservative’s general mode of thinking. Utterly unaware than anyone other than themselves might have to pay for public services.
It it took me awhile to figger out that that store selling “2012 The End” was supposed to be a movie theatre offering showings of a movie by that title, rather.
I don’t know if the cartoonist, or I, should be more ashamed.
Hey don’t scoff, I pay a lot of money for cruel and arbitrary beatings.
Antonio Prohias is LIVID.
There were actually some good ones in there…
DeLand DeLakes: Ramirez was born in Japan, and I’m guessing Mexico would be reluctant to take him after he doodled this one.
http://www.limitstogrowth.org/WEB-Graphics/RamirezToonMexicoDrain.gif
Besides that, to quote him “If I don’t get at least one phone call a day that says I’m a moron, I’m not doing my job.”
Evidently, he takes considerable pride in being a moron. Interesting to see what sort of work earns you multiple Pulitzers these days.
I’d love to have a bunch of white slaves. I’d put them all on fucking leashes. And it’s not a racial thing… I mean, I’m white.
I just want to own some white people.
TAnnieGetYourFun: don’t you know that the only role of
government is taking the white man’s money and doling it out to the shiftless
coloreds?
iofferkicks541@msn.com
Talk about tone-deafness. I’d like the Detroit Free Press to run Ramirez’s cartoon. Oh, and then for Ramirez to visit Detroit to get their feedback on how funny it was…
Asshole.
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