Just Because You’re Paranoid Doesn’t Mean They’re Not Out to Get You
Friday, April 10th, 2009
Tonight: DC comedian Seaton Smith is premiering his 10-episode web series premised on an unfortunate dude who suspects that an entire corporation exists for sole purpose of irritating him. “Annoy Charlie Smith Inc.” was filmed entirely in DC, probably right around the time of the Cherry Blossom Festival, for inspiration. The premier starts at Solly’s at 7:30PM and will be joined by some stand-up and music. You can see preview videos here. Free! [Solly's U Street Tavern] MORE »
Man, the Cold War, those were the days, right? Spy satellites, moon walking, cosmonauts — and all this, minus the constant lingering threat of nuclear annihilation, can be yours at the Out of This World Party on Saturday in the Warehouse Theater. This celebration of Soviet Yuri Gagarin, the winner of the “first human in space” race, is a victorious trifecta of space rock, burlesque entertainment and science experiments. In other words, NASA sucks. 
Heyo, here is a cherry blossom-sanctioned event that may actually be worth attending. The Cherry Blast provides a reassuring alternative to all the outdoorsy wholesome family-friendly activities you try so hard to avoid. For $10, you can get into some random SE warehouse filled with pretty much every medium of art your little heart could desire, plus a vague promise of “swag.” 
Tonight: British folk-rock stalwart Robyn Hitchcock, of Soft Boys “fame,” will be singing weird lyrics, lecturing his audience, and generally being awesome all over the Black Cat tonight. $20 tickets are still available 
Thursday, April 9: This month’s Going Out Guide Happy Hour takes place at Current and sports, what else, a cherry blossom theme. Of course, who really cares where or why when there’s free sushi, $4 sake bombs, $5 (cherry blossom) martinis, and other Japanese-inspired drink specials. Also, famous-y DJ Christine Moritz (who has opened for Thievery Corporation on occasion) will perform. 6PM to 8PM, free. [
Perhaps in honor of all the ridiculous metal bands recently gracing the stage at the 9:30 Club, DC-9 is debuting its Monday Night SMS Trivia SMACK DOWN! This trivia night differentiates itself from the dozens of others sharing this time slot by (surprise!) only playing metal. 
There were a LOT of things happening on our National Mall this weekend, most of which involved masses of people erratically circling trees or hot dog stands or monuments, pausing briefly to bump into you, and then moving on to annoy someone else. As frustrating as it was trying to beat even a moderately direct path through this nonsense, it was kind of worth it to see a bunch of weird hipsters whip out their pillows and start pummeling each other. 
So this weekend there’s a 
With the leaders of the free world having 
In a startling case of life imitating Blingee, several characters marched straight out of Wonkette’s 
This Cherry Blossom Thing may attract tourists like flypaper, but it’s good for at least one thing: it really inflates the number of boozey free-for-alls in DC, a service we can all appreciate. The next such event is the Cherry Blossom “Soiree” tonight at Madame Tussauds Wax Museum, which will provide the singular experience of drinking your fancy (unlimited!) sake alongside waxen likenesses of America’s sexiest first couple. 
Remember Guantanamo Bay, that rascally little island paradise which sorta robbed America of any remaining moral superiority it had been frittering away since World War II? Well, Obama FAILED in his promise to personally release and hump every prisoner within, so it’s still housing terrible foreigners. But after seven years, National Geographic somehow managed to sneak in and make a documentary about it, and your Wonkette was invited to preview the horror. 
Remember back in, say, 1999, when everyone you knew had suddenly become a DJ, irrespective of whatever horrific musical atrocities they committed in the pursuit? Well, those days can be yours once more, but this time to a better end than just getting free, uh, beer, or whatever. 