Today, Wednesday, March 17: It’s here! St. Patrick’s Day, the holiest of holy drinking holidays is here! Chances are you’re already drunk thanks to a breakfast of kegs and eggs, but, if you’re not, here’s our list of places where you can enjoy green beer until you puke, for Ireland. MORE »

America’s celebration of the Irish traditions of wearing green and pinching and binge drinking and lots of green vomit is almost here! Hooray! St. Patrick was a man who wanted everyone to become Christian (no, he was not the patron saint of kegs and eggs), and you can honor his successful proselyting efforts on this most holy of days by guzzling stouts and eating bangers and mash at one of these lovely institutions. MORE »

Why, oh why, would you go to a bar just to drink and talk when there are so many other ways to have fun at drinking establishments? People in DC are moderately interesting, but once you get passed the formalities (Where do you work? How many men do you bunk with? Do you let people shower with you?), conversation tends to get stale. But anything reminiscent of a Chuck E. Cheese activity is super fun and will keep you entertained well past any bedroom revelations. MORE »

Wednesday March, 10: Now that men groping men is a Democrat-sanctioned activity, there’s really no reason not to go to the Arlington Young Democrats’ 9th Annual Date Auction. A $5 entrance fee is good for a bid card, a raffle ticket, and hours and hours of sexy tickle time with wonderful NoVa kids. The fun starts at 7PM. [Clarendon Grill] MORE »

Because this world is filled with one too many closeted Republicans who hate the gays, despite wanting them ALL THE TIME, and because today is Gay Wedding Day here in DC, it’s only appropriate that we celebrate gayness in all its forms. So we focus on Logan Circle, a gayborhood that’s still gay despite mass infiltration by straight folk who flock there because produce is just better wherever the gays are (a fact of gentrification). Logan Circle, with its Whole Foods and fancy yoga shops, is home to super trendy restaurant Masa 14, a Latin-Asian fusion small plates restaurant, where the food is great, the gays and straights mingle, and everyone wins because it has a 65-foot-long bar. MORE »

Today, Wednesday, March 3 through Sunday, March 14: You may have almost died on numerous occasions in your youth from drinking too much tequila, but you’re all grown up now — in theory, anyway — so you should be able to enjoy it in a more refined way. This is why you should go to the Tequila & Mezcal Festival at Oyamel, and indulge in FREE tequila tastings, specialty drinks made with high quality tequila and mezcal, and foods made with the alcohols. MORE »

There once was a man who worked for a hedge fund, only to discover that even though he was wealthy and happy, he wasn’t satisfied with the mark he was leaving on the world. After much soul searching, he figured, what better way to improve your legacy than by creating a food cart that roams the streets of DC, features food from around the world, and uses the Twitter to notify the masses of its location? And so Sauca was born. MORE »

Restaurants are all annoyed because no one ate out during the Snowpocalypse. But they don’t want you to think it’s just about the money. Oh, please! You see, while you were home throwing snowballs at armed civilians (cops?), making vats of chili and working hard from your couch, you were not at restaurants, the only place where human interaction can occur. So in solidarity, a bunch of DC restaurants are participating in “Restaurants Unleashed Week” and offering discounts to help get you back out there and reconnected with the world. MORE »

Thursday, February 25: Tomorrow we’ll all watch Congress and the President fight to the death for health care reform, so why not cap off your evening talking about CBO scores, health insurance exchanges, and Peter Orszag at the Young Health Professionals Society Happy Hour? The fun starts at 6PM at Vapiano on M Street. [Young Health Professionals Society] MORE »

So America fell apart yesterday when the man, the legend, Scott Brown, made a nakedly Socialist move to let there be jobs (but just a few, eventually) and forgot all about the pain and blood of the righteous, real-American teabaggers, who did not elect him to help people do things. To honor the man of variety that is Scott Brown — moderately conservative senator by day, truck driving softcore porn librul by night — we bring you a meal that is all about variety: dim sum from Ping Pong Dim Sum. MORE »

Some trends are very bad. Like the fact that Democrats keep dying, no one has a job, and CPAC attendees are scary advocates of death and massive orgies with Stephen Baldwin. These are bad trends. But, we DO like this new do-it-yourself salad trend that is taking over the District. Why? Because 1) not everyone can have a garden like Michelle Obama, tended to by underprivileged kids shipped in from Anacostia, 2) pricing people out of healthy food is the American way, and 3) Mixt Greens actually makes a damn good, healthy organic salad (out of recycled materials). MORE »

Olympics: The Winter Olympics are in full force, but no one seems to appreciate ever since that nice Georgian Luger died, in a sport. If you feel some patriotic desire (be it for America or Georgia) to watch the games, head to Asia Nine where any of the lounge’s bar snacks are only a buck while the Olympics are on. Or, you may be better off just learning how to curl. [Asia Nine] MORE »

The ancient celebration of boobs, beads, and booze affectionately referred to as “Fat Tuesday” is TODAY. What’s supposed to be the last night of eating rich, fatty foods before the Lent fast begins is in reality yet another excuse for people of all denominations to imbibe, with the added bonus of boobs and beads. And considering all the upstanding folks who call the District home, we anticipate that ample amounts of drinking and debauchery will occur this evening. MORE »